I’m going to write this once so that I don’t have to explain it again. I am turning down a great offer to move to California and change my life in favor of changing my life right here.
I was working at a job that I used to enjoy, but became more and more loathsome by the week due to some corporate changes that included the wrongful termination of my wife. It pained me to go to work with the way they treated her, but with two kids that gives me little choice. To find another job with equal pay from the start seemed less attainable the more I tried without sacrificing my integrity. I could sell. I was good at it. But it wasn’t selling that I enjoyed at my job, since I didn’t really look at it that way. My sales were more like consultations. A customer would tell me what they wanted or needed and I would help direct them toward the answer. Sure I was paid more when I sold something than when I didn’t, but I didn’t care and often times didn’t even know whether I was making money when selling a product or not. I had hundreds of products to choose from and knew what was good and what wasn’t. My job was more of an educated companion than a sales person. That in itself was great.
The job started to stress more and more on specific sales performance and the call for great service began to disappear in the mix. It became more and more apparent that I was no longer enjoying what I did and I started desperately seeking a way out. One came. I was offered over the course of a few months the opportunity to get into real estate in a big way. It sounded very appealing. Real estate was always something that in the back of my mind I thought I could do and not hate. It was never really something I was drawn to for its own sake, but more of a “if I had to I probably could and would probably make good money.” I had worked in a selling capacity for almost five years now and had always performed well within company expectations. I had friends that had started as customers. It seemed like a great opportunity.
With it came a great deal of change. I started taking a correspondence course online in order to qualify for the state exam in California. Once I completed the course and took and passed the exam it was time to quit my job and prepare my family to move to California. I started working and tried to learn as I went. I started by calling newspaper ads. It sucked. I called strangers and asked if I could send them some free books. Pretty simple and not terrible, I’ll admit, but not fun. I hated it. I said so. I COULD do it, I just loathed it. I kept on working though. The 6 figure income light at the end of the tunnel sounded like a cool thing. We could help out so many of our friends and family members financially. We had big plans; people’s cars we were going to pay off, we wanted to buy a car for some friends of our (they have one car and we know how hard that can be), we were going to help some friends with mortgage payments that we knew were a struggle, we were going to send money to a small church in NC that we like and knew would do their best with it. All of a sudden all the plans were in place and moving day was coming closer, but I couldn’t shake the displeasure I took in the work I had started.
It’s funny to look at it, but I never liked selling. I couldn’t ever bring myself to be a good aggressive sales person, let alone a pushy one. I had always done well where ever I had worked, but if you ask anyone that I’ve worked with it’s because I did what I could to satisfy the customer’s want and needs, whether they really knew what they wanted or not. I had customers come in wanting to hand me money that, after talking to them I realized they didn’t have to spend. I would always tell them the truth, not dig in their pockets; not sell, but educate. I enjoy teaching. For quite a while I used to teach classes at work to customers. I would always try to be very patient with everyone and explain things in a way that made sense to the complete novice without being condescending. It was a great experience and, had it not been so difficult to complete my other duties at work well and still see my family, I would have continued to teach them.
Now I realize that every enterprise requires some salesmanship, but there are different levels of sales. What I found myself doing on the phone was contacting someone for something other than what they posted their number for and it bugged me. Not that I’m trying to say that it’s evil or that I’m too good for cold call telemarketing, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel comfortable doing it. I’ve talked to other people that have done similar things in the past and the common thread seemed to be that the work was crap, but the money was good.
We had prayed about the move. It seemed that everything was coming together unreasonably well and we took that as an answer to prayer. We had found a friend that seemed willing to rent our house from us. Though it was for less than we were paying, we still felt that this was a great way for us to bless them with a great deal and save us most of the headaches associated with renting to total strangers. We had a house picked out for us in California that the new company was going to pay for, at least for now. It was a gorgeous house too.
Everything was moving smooth and quick. I was even going to be able to build guitars again when we went out west. My new partner in real estate was going to help me finance my hobby into a real flourishing business. It was a scary thought. Of course I wanted to build guitars, but I always thought of it as me in my garage or small shop, eventually with the help of my children. My intent has always been small and family, but always just my family. I enjoyed working on guitars so much that I would constantly come up with ideas of instruments I wanted to build simply to do it. Of course I would always end up with this great instrument for me to play and have nothing to play it through and eventually sell it for a small fraction of its value to make a payment on some overdue bill.
It had taken a long time, but we’ve finally gotten back to the point in our lives where we owe money for our house and nothing else. We were back to zero. No money in the bank, but no looming debt. It was a welcome change from where we’ve been for six years. Now we had the opportunity to put some money in the bank.
When it came down to it, I couldn’t get over that feeling in my stomach I got when I started making phone calls. I guess it may sound kind of stupid, but there it is. When I was making calls I could lie to myself for a while and start to believe that it was okay and I didn’t mind it. Then someone would call my bluff and tell me exactly what I felt. “Don’t call me from my ad and try to offer me something different that I don’t want. If you’re not calling to rent my house, then don’t call me.” Yes. I know. That’s what I was thinking. Not that what I was offering is bad. The concepts are great, the benefits are apparent if pursued properly and everyone is educated. The idea is good and it makes perfect sense. It may very well be a great real estate solution for many people and I still think we will try it out. I just couldn’t get past the method. My partner is a really cool guy and he’s helped us out tremendously. We still love him and his family and want the best for them. I just cannot do the work. I’m just not the kind of person who can be okay with it.
Sure it sounds dumb even to me, but I don’t need a fortune. I think the nagging dread I had when I had to make calls is God’s answer to my prayers about this move. It started out seeming perfect, but it never really all quite fit together. The renters we had for our house here fell through. If I was supposed to go, the calls wouldn’t bug me so much. I would be able to sell. I just can’t. Real estate can be a cut throat business and I think that’s why I was chosen for the position. I’m not out to screw anybody out of a bunch of money (not that that is what this job or these people are about, because they’re not). I would rather work and collect a paycheck for a job well done than construct a paycheck that fluctuates for the same job on a different day. I would rather deal with people than odds. I would rather not have to keep in the back of my mind “I’ll never see or talk to these people again anyway. So what if they get mad at me.” That was the only way that I was able to make those phone calls. It’s not who I am and it’s not who I want to be. If I’m going to make people angry with me I want a better reason than my paycheck.
That being said, I am changing my life. Chellee is going to help me with the wedding photography business. We had a couple of gigs we had to turn down because of the move, but I’m sure God will provide. I’ll be spending a lot more time in the Word. I starting venturing into it again several months ago and I miss it. I want nothing more than to see what God can do to provide for us. I sweetly say goodbye to the dream of being able to financial provide for my own little circle of friends and family, but if it’s in God’s plan for me to do that then I’m sure he can make it happen. Every job that I’ve worked and enjoyed I didn’t start out hating. Fear and loathing are not the same thing. I’m always a little scared of a new job, but I can’t remember turning a job I hated on a personal level into something I could enjoy. The ends does not justify the means. As for my guitars I will still work on those, but second to photography. In my desires photography will always come in below luthiery, but I enjoy the time I spend with my wife taking pictures more than time with my tools. I’ll always have time for guitars if God gives it to me, and it will be that much sweeter when my children can help.
Last night my mom gave Abbi her first haircut. I know, she's 18 months and she has never had a haircut. But she's a girl so she needs long hair. Well it was finally time to cut it, my mom trimmed the back and sides and then cut her bangs so that she could see again. Now you can see her pretty blue eyes again!! She's so cute!
Dr.s appointment I dropped Brye off at my mom's house and fell asleep for 2 1/2 hours. Today I am feeling a bit better because I got almost 10 hours of sleep last night. Other than the exhaustion I feel fine. Good thing I don't plan on running any marathons soon. I haven't had any morning sickness yet and hopefully I won't get any later. By the end of everyday I am ready to just crawl in bed and turn the lights off. Since Brye is staying at Grandma's this weekend it is nice and quiet here and Abbi is easily distracted by turning on the singing snowman we got from Hallmark last year.
